Drivel of the day

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The aim of this page is to bring a smile to a drab day and share the sort of drivel bad authors are capable of coming up with in their futile attempts to sound clever. Rather than say it as it is.

Please submit entries CONFIDENTIALLY - do not name the source or client!

German garbage

  • Original: Durch die Auswertung von unternehmenscharakterisierenden Informationen...
    • What they meant: By examining the nature of the company...
  • Original: Jeder Trainingsteilnehmer erhält zu den verschiedenen Trainings didaktisch aufbereitete Trainingsunterlagen, die die Trainingsteilnehmer während und nach den Trainings unterstützen.
    • What they meant: Participants will receive educational materials designed to guide them through the workshop/seminar/course and help them build on what they've learned.
  • Original: Die entsprechenden Qualitätsnachweise erbringen wir permanent.
    • Someone's first stab: The appropriate confirmations of quality are a permanent part of our services.
    • How about: The quality of products speaks for itself, time after time.
  • A real "underwater fish": technischtechnologisch?! Whatever.
    • Die Ergebnisse der Analyse sowie die Versuchsdaten werden in einem technischtechnologischen Auslastungsdiagramm geordnet.
  • A patently obvious description:
    • Dank immer neuer Innovationen konnte sich Deutschland in den letzten Jahren zum Exportweltmeister entwickeln
      • Hmm. Is that as opposed to increasingly older innovations. Are innovations not always new anyway?

English ear-achers

  • Piste by Day, Beats by Night
  • A biological asset is a living animal or plant managed by an enterprise which is involved in the agricultural activity of the transformation of biological assets for sale, into agricultural produce, or into additional biological assets.
  • A gem provided by a client (that changed our copy, no we would never have written this...)
    • "If we do succeed in exploiting opportunity to the full, we will still find plenty to harvest. We will also steel the competition in low-wage countries the thunder. We know this from the number of times we have encountered this issue during projects."
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